Titles should be shown on a plain background. The title should appear for about a second then an announcer should read it (just the title, not the sub-title). The announcer should sound overly serious and dramatic.
“Smallville: The Parody”Introduction:
The character of Superman was born in Cleveland, Ohio out of the minds of Joe Shuster and Jerry Siegel. Joe was born in Toronto, Ontario and moved to Cleveland when he was 9. Jerry was born in Cleveland. Some of us older residents of the Cleveland area know that the legend of Superman got polished a bit to make the characters more heroic … and marketable. Today, we’d like to give you a look at what the characters were really like before the makeover. In honor of Allison Mack’s 25th birthday, we are limiting these stories to events that happened on Clark Kent’s birthdays over the years.
“Pop Goes The Planet”
Kal-El Age 2
[Jor-El Faces the Planetary Council. He addresses them in a Brando-ish mumble that is impossible to make out. Everything Jor-El says is to be sub-titled.]
Jor-El: I address you today, Gentlemen, on a matter of utmost urgency. Our world is doomed! As you may be aware, the core of our planet is composed of a radioactive substance that no life on Krypton can be exposed to for long without perishing. What you don’t know, is that a chain reaction may occur at any moment that will blow our planet to pieces. The only hope for our people is to build a fleet of spaceships to carry the population of this planet to another world.
[Every member of the council just stares at Jor-El without saying a word.]
Jor-El: You fools! How can you just sit there coldly when all life on this planet is in peril! I never should have expected help from bureaucrats. I must take matters into my own hands – for the sake of my family!
[Jor-El storms out of the room. One councilman turns to another and asks ….]
Councilman 1: Did you understand anything that he said?
Councilman 2: Not a word! Jor-El may be a brilliant scientist, but he always sounds like his cheeks are stuffed with tissue paper! Only members of his immediate family can understand anything he says.
Councilman 1: His parents should have named him Mumb-El instead of Jor-El!
[Councilman 2 laughs]
Councilman 1: Who’s next?
Councilman 2: Urk-El wishes to address us.
Councilman 1: Urk-El, please come forward and speak your mind.
Urk-El: I just came here to support my cousin Jor-El. Didn’t you here what he said?
Councilman 1: We heard it. We just didn’t understand it.
Urk-El: What’s so hard to understand? Krypton is about to blow up!
All Councilmen: WHAT!
Councilman 1: Is there anything we can do?
Urk-El: My cousin wants to build a fleet of spaceships, but I don’t think there is time for that. I have my own plan. There is a membrane of cohesive material surrounding the planet’s core. I have taken it on myself to enlarge one of 3 old mine shafts leading to the core. In the other two I have built a giant rocket-powered finger. If I push the button on this remote control, the fingers will squeeze the core. Within hours, the fingers will create enough pressure to pop the membrane and force the radioactive material out through the enlarged shaft. It will be ejected into space where it will continue traveling out of our solar system so that it will never threaten another Kryptonian life!”
Councilman 1: Your plan is ingenious. How did you come up with it?
Urk-El: I have severe acne that even our advanced medical science couldn’t cure. Years of popping zits have given me the expertise I needed to save our world.
Councilman 1: My only concern is that the radioactive material may impact some other inhabited world.
Urk-El: The only way that could happen is if someone was stupid enough to launch a spaceship and open a wormhole in the path that the radioactive material is heading.
Councilman 1: No one would launch a rocket without our permission. That is the only crime that we still imprison people for in brick and mortar jails – a life sentence without parole. No one would dare risk that kind of punishment!
Urk-El: Will you do as I suggest?
Councilman 1: We will consider your plan and make a decision in a day or so.
Urk-El: If you decide to do as I suggest, simply push this button on the remote control and … OOPS! Did I do that?!”
=====
[Jor-El arrives home and finds Lara and Kal-El in his laboratory]
Lara: Why are you home so late. You promised you’d be home early for Kal-El’s birthday.
Jor-El: Unless we act fast, this could be Kal-El’s LAST birthday! The fools at Planetary Council wouldn’t listen to me. There is no time. One of us must get in the rocket with Kal-El and escape to Earth before Krypton explodes!
Lara: Why only one of us?
Jor-El: The rocket is too small.
Lara: Why did you build one that is so small?
Jor-El: The rocket kit was advertised as half off. I thought that meant that it was half priced.
Lara: Since it was your mistake, I’ll go with Kal-El.
[Lara picks up Kal and steps into the spaceship]
Jor-El: You’re too vain to make the trip!
Lara: What are you mumbling about?
Jor-El: The ship will approach the speed of light before forming a wormhole.
Lara: So?
Jor-El: At near light speed, you will be infinitely flat… [Lara looks at her chest] … AND infinitely heavy!
[Lara frowns then hands Kal-El to Jor-El. Jor-El steps into the spaceship.]
Lara: Of course the spaceship is too small to carry the automated diaper changing equipment. You’ll have to change Kal-El diapers manually.
[Jor-El steps back out of the spaceship]
Jor-El: Maybe there is enough time to build a bigger spaceship.
[The ground shakes]
Lara: Oh NO!
[Jor-El and Lara kiss Kal-El and put him in the spaceship. They wave goodbye as the ship leaves. The police arrive and arrest Jor-El and Lara. There is a loud sound of Krypton’s core being ejected into space.]
******
“Clark’s Last Birthday Wish”
Clark age 5
[Chloe sits at a table with Jonathan Kent]
Jon: Chloe, It’s really nice of you to come over to take Clark out for his Birthday.
Chloe: It’s my pleasure, Mr. Kent. Umm …. Could you excuse a personal question from an overly inquisitive reporter?
Jon: You’re a close family friend. Go ahead and ask.
Chloe: Why is it that you and Mrs. Kent don’t celebrate Clark’s birthday – you know, have a party for him?
Jon: Oh boy. Well … we did … once. Kind of a painful memory for me.
Chloe: That’s okay. I can go without knowing.
Jon: Thanks.
[Camera zooms in on Jon’s head and focus blurs. Same table years before. Jon is sitting across the table from Clark. In the middle of the table is a large chocolate cake covered with candles. Martha comes over and whispers in Jon’s ear.]
Martha: Do you think you should use trick candles on Clark’s very first birthday cake?
Jon: Shhhhh! Don’t spoil the fun.
Clark: Can we eat the cake yet?
Jon: Not yet. First you have to make a wish. Then blow out all the candles on the cake and your wish will come true!
Clark: Really?
Martha: One year on my birthday, I wished for you … and here you are!
Clark: Goodie! May I blow them out now?
Jon: Do you have a wish?
Clark: Yes. I want ….
Jon [interrupting]: NO! Don’t tell. You have to keep your wish a secret.
Clark: I don’t like secrets very much … but if it’s a rule … Okay.
Jon: Then go ahead.
[Clark blows. The candles go out. Then they relight.]
Clark: Shoot!
Jon: Since this is your first time ever trying this, you are allowed one more chance. Give it your best shot!
[Clark inhales deeply then exhales. He looks up with a horrified expression as Jon wails in pain. Cut to a doctor’s office. The doctor is pulling lit candles out of Jonathan’s cake and icing covered face]
Doctor: Come on! Tell me how this happened and I won’t charge you for the stitches!
[Fade]
******
Alternate Birthday Wish Concept:
Martha: For your birthday this year I bought this special magical birthday cake with red meteor rock sprinkles from that man that sold the beans to our neighbor Jack.
Clark: The one that grew the giant bean stalk?
Martha: That’s the one! Now blow out the candles then make a wish – I’m sure it will come true!
Clark: [Chuckled] Right! Whatever you say.
Clark blew out the candles then began singing: Ohhhh … I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener ….
There was a flash of light and Clark disappeared. In his place at the table was a large hot dog.
Jon: Wow! I heard that Al and Miles were introducing a super dog this season, but I had no idea. Martha, we can’t keep calling him Clark. People will get suspicious. I think we should call him Krypto.
Martha: I prefer Connie. I had a hot dog named Connie once.
******
“Psychic Friend’s Pet Store”
Clark Age 15
[Clark and his friends enter a pet store. Tina Greer is at the counter checking out]
Chloe: This is so cool! Lex, are you really going to buy all of us a pet in honor of Clark’s birthday?
Lex: That’s the plan.
Lana: And we can pick out any pet we want?
Lex: Not exactly. This store is owned by a psychic. The fun of coming here is that she will sense which pet best matches your personality. She will only sell you the pet that you were meant to have.
Lana: I bet I get a Cackapoo!
Psychic: Tina Greer … for you I have a chameleon.
Tina: Thanks!
Lex: [To psychic] These are my friends. I’d like you to pick out a ….
Psychic: I know why you are here. This is for you. [The psychic hands Lex a fox.] There is one here who is loving and loyal even when she is not appreciated by those she is devoted to. [Lana steps forward.] Not you! HER! [Psychic points at Chloe. Chloe steps forward. The psychic hands Chloe a dog.]
Chloe: Oh! He is so cute! I Love him already!
Psychic: You. Come forward. [Points at Pete. He steps up to the counter.] You have a sense of style. Also, you know how to fight if you are backed into a corner and seem to escape danger time after time when it seems unlikely for you to survive. You also are often there in the background without being heard or noticed. This pet is for you. [She hands Pete Ross a Siamese cat. He takes it and gives it a hug.] Birthday boy. Come forward. [Clark steps up.] You are also loyal, so you also get a dog. But not just any dog. This is a retired search and rescue dog. I give him to you because he, like you, will selflessly help anyone who is in need. That leaves only you.
[Lana steps forward.]
Lana: Whatever pet you pick for me will have to live with Chloe because my Aunt Nell won't let me have a pet. My Mom and Dad would have let me have a pet but they died. My sucky Aunt Nell will only let me have a horse!
Psychic: I’m sure that your Aunt will let you keep this.
[The Psychic places something in Lana’s hand.]
Lana: EEEEWWW! What is this?
Psychic: It's a sponge.
Lana: Did you give it to me because someone abandoned it?
Psychic: No, I gave it to you because it is self-absorbent!"
[Close up of Lana’s reaction.]
******
“The Gift”
Clark Age 16
[Clark came out of the Kent farmhouse and sits on the stoop of his front porch. He props his head up with his hands and slumps forward]
Clark: Oh man! I thought watching those cartoons would make me feel better. How come all the heroes in cartoons can fly? Jor-El could fly – oh why oh why can’t I?
[Jonathan sticks his head out the door]
Jon: Hey Mr. Sad Sack, I believe this package is for you. And, by the way, … Happy Birthday.
[Jonathan tossed Clark the package and Clark reads the return address: “Rocky, F.S.” Clark anxiously tears open the package the package and pulls out a letter that was enclosed and begins to read.
Clark: Dear Clark, I have often flown over your farm and saw how hard at work you were with your flying lessons. I know the frustrations in trying to get airborne the first time. Even I had trouble. I thought no one could ever feel worse than me, but Bullwinkle’s Mom came and told me, “After giving birth to B.J. with those antlers of his, everything else in life is like pulling a rabbit out of the hat!” After she told me that (and showed me the scar from the C-section) I realized that my personal problems were nothing but a pile of chili beanies. That’s when Bullwinkle’s Mom handed me the enclosed aviator’s flying cap. With it on, I never had any trouble flying. I hope it brings you the same success as it brought me. Yours Truly, Rocky, F.S.”
[Clark quickly pulled the aviator’s cap from the box and put it on. He pulled down the goggles. Suddenly he heard music – “Rocky’s Theme”: “Da Da-Da Da Da Da-Da-Da, Daaah Daaaaah. Gonna fly now, gonna try now ….” ]
[Martha walked out onto the porch. Clark turns and looks up at her.]
Martha [Looking at Clark]: I’m Martha Kent, may I help you?
Clark: Mom … it’s me … Clark!”
[Martha looks surprised]
Martha: Is it really you, Clark? Those glasses make you look like a totally different person!
Clark: Mom, these are FLYING GOGGLES, not glasses. Hey Mom, do you hear music?”
[Martha looked puzzled]
Martha: No honey, I don’t hear any music.
Clark: Oh MAN! This aviator cap MUST be magic! [Clark smiles brightly] Mom, I’m gonna fly now. I’m gonna try now.
[Clark gets up and runs down the road. He jumps, flapped his arms, skips and leaps determined to fly.]
Jonathan [yelling from inside the house]: Martha, is it OK to turn off “Rocky’s Theme” now?
Martha: Yes, Dear. Clark’s gone off to fly.”
[Jonathan joined Martha on the porch. He points down the road.]
Jon: LOOK! I think he’s going to actually get airborne this time! I sure hope no one recognizes him in that silly aviator cap I got for him.
Jon: [Shakes head in disappointment] You know, Martha, sometimes it’s hard to believe that that kid’s Dad was a rocket scientist!”
[Note: There is a Loonie Tunes movie with a water tower with the WB logo on it crashing. Incorporating that film sequence could be a nice touch if permissible.]
******
"Smallville: Aftermath"
Clark Age 17
Clark: Hey Pete, I can’t get with you to do homework tonight after school. It’s my birthday and Mom’s making Mexican food! Can we get together sometime today to do our social studies homework?
Pete Ross: How about during 7th period study hall – [with emphasis] after math. [Aside to camera] Hey, I’ll take any on-camera time they’ll give me!
[Cut]
******
"The Day The Earth Stood Still"
Clark Age 17
[View of globe spinning. The globe stops suddenly as there is the sound of a tremendous fart. Then we hear:]
Jon: Like I always tell you Clark, after you eat Mexican food, … DON’T face West!
******
“The Quest”
Clark Age 18
[Clark sat at the computer. He was obviously getting very frustrated.]
Clark: MAN! If I don’t figure this out soon … it will ALL be over before I can even get there!
Chloe walks up and says: Clark, I can see you’re in trouble.
Clark: Thanks Veronica! I’m desperate and there isn’t much time left!
Chloe: It’s Chloe … CLOH-EE.
Clark hits head with the palm of his hand and said: Duh! I should have known! After all, my X-ray vision reveals that your name is tattooed on your chest!
Chloe: Clark, I don’t have a tattoo. That’s my nametag and it’s on blouse.
Clark: I wondered why your skin was so wrinkled.
Chloe: Slide over a bit and let me help you.
[Chloe sits down]
Chloe quickly types a few keystrokes: I’m in. What do you need?
Clark: How did you do that so fast?!
Chloe: It’s easy.
Clark: Easy for you, maybe. Did you use one of those fancy Al Gore rhythms?
Chloe: No Clark. Like I’ve explained before, all you have to remember is that “Google” is spelled with two Ohs – not six.
Clark: That’s stoooopid! Why don’t they spell it like it like it sounds – goooooogle!
Chloe: What do you need?
Clark: A map.
Chloe: Where do you need to go?
Clark: I know the address. Wait. Hmmm. [Clark tries to remember. Then he sticks a finger up in the air like he’s got an idea. He stands up. We see that his underwear is on the outside of his pants. He folds down the elastic band. He begins reading] 2 … 2 … 2 … another 2 … 2 … River Road.
Chloe: Isn’t that ...? Never mind. I’ll print out a map for you.
[The printer spits out a map. There is an arrow that points at the map and says “You are here” and another arrow that points somewhere else and says “Kent Farm House.”]
Clark looks over the map and said: Thanks Veronica. Mom’s making Mexican food for diner tonight on account that today’s my birthday. I have to get there before Dad eats it all!
[Clark is suddenly gone. Close up of Chloe shaking her head with a ‘boy is he dumb’ expression]
*****
"The Shortest Day Ever"
Clark Age 18
[View of globe spinning. The globe spins faster suddenly as there is the sound of a tremendous fart. Then we hear ….]
Jon: CLARK!!! No more Mexican food for you -- EVER!"
******
"Game Show Jitters"
Clark Age 19
[Family Feud Theme Song plays. The MC (Dick Dawson) approaches camera]
Dick Lawson: Welcome back. If you’re just joining us, the Kent family has just defeated the Luthor family by a narrow margin. Clark Kent has been chosen by his family to go first in the lightning round. Martha Kent is off stage in a sound proof booth so that she cannot hear the questions or the answers that her son gives. Clark, please join me! [Clark comes forward – obviously very nervous] Welcome back.
Clark: Thank you Mr. Lawson, Sir.
Dick: Just call me Dick.
Clark: Okay. Dick.
Dick: I understand it’s your birthday today. How old are you?
Clark: 19 in Earth years.
Dick: O … kay. So Happy birthday.
Clark: Thank you Mr. Lawson, Sir. Aaaaa … Dick!
Dick: Clark, have you gotten over your embarrassment about smashing your buzzer in the last round?
Clark: Not really.
Dick: I noticed that my kissing your teammates Chloe Sullivan and Lana Lang bothered you a little.
Clark: Uh … it’s okay … I guess. It just threw me a little when you ended up with my Mom’s chewing gum in your mouth.
Dick: So … are you a little more comfortable now?
Clark: Well Sir … Dick … considering everything, I’d rather be in a room full of meteor freaks right now.
Dick: Well, there’s no turning back now. It’s time for the lightning round. Are you ready?
Clark: Let’s get this over with.
Dick: Okay. The clock will start as soon as I finish reading the first question. Here goes. How long does it take to travel by foot from New York City to Metropolis?
Clark: 8 minutes.
Dick: How much weight can a 4 year old comfortably lift?
Clark: 900 pounds.
Dick: What's the best thing to use to start a fire?
Clark: Your eyes.
Dick: What's a best thing to use to remove a stripped screw?
Clark: Your fingernail.
Dick: Name a common method a parent uses to punish their child?
Clark: Branding.
Dick: What color underwear do most men wear?
Clark: Well, yours are pink.
[Close up on Dick. Dick’s face turns red with embarrassment]
Dick: That was a laundry accident!
[Fade]
******
"Lana's Reaction"
Clark Age 20
[Clark walks up to Lana at Crater Lake. She is throwing rocks into the lake.]
Clark: Lana! Fancy meeting you here. [Lana just glares at Clark for a moment then turns back to throwing rocks into the lake] Lana … is something wrong? Are you … mad at me?
Lana [turns back to face him]: I've thought about it a lot. I killed a man with a pitchfork to save your parents' lives for crying out loud! I think that entitles me to know the truth about you. I can handle it … whatever it might be.
Clark [thinks a while then quietly]: Lana … Honest to God I am an alien from the planet Krypton. I am incredibly strong and bullet proof. Red meteor rocks remove all my inhibitions and the green ones make me sick.
Lana [looks him over then smiles and…]: Is that it? Kewl!
Clark: What?!!! When I asked you what you would think if Cyrus Krup was an alien, you said you would freak out!
Lana: Cyrus always freaked me out whether he was an alien or not. If you're an alien, I can't wait for the invasion! [Lana looks Clark over again. Coyly…] Clark, … want to take a dip in Crater Lake … just the two of us?
Clark: That would be great!
Lana: Only I didn’t bring a swimsuit.
Clark: I did!
Lana: I meant for me.
Clark: So did I!
Lana: You brought a swimsuit for me?
Clark: Yes.
Lana: You mean you planned this?
Clark: No. It’s just that every time I come up here alone, I meet some woman that wants to go swimming but didn’t bring a swim suit. I learned in scouts to always be prepared so I now bring women’s swimsuits in various sizes and styles when I come up here.
Lana: Oh … how … prepared. That’s nice.
Clark: Want to see one of the swimsuits?
Lana: The only suit I want to see is yours.
Clark: Okay.
[Clark began removing his outer clothes. Lana looked him up and down. She smiled.]
Lana: Nice bod!
Clark: This is normal for a Kryptonian.
Lana: Kewl!
[Clark pulls off his shoes and socks. Lana looks down. Her mouth drops open. Clark notices her reaction.]
Clark: Oh that. Kryptonians don’t have toes like humans do.
[Camera tilts and zooms in on his feet. His feet are smooth like a mannequin’s. Lana begins sobbing.]
Lana: Get dressed! … I need you to take me home now.
Clark: Why?
Lana: I can't get involved with you! I just CAN’T!
Clark: Why not?!"
[Pregnant Pause]
Lana: I'm lack-toes intolerant!
[Close up on Clark’s expression. Doh! Cut]
******
“Choice of Beverage”
Clark Age 21
[Barkeeper behind the bar wiping it down with a rag. Clark Kent comes in looking like he is guilty of a crime. No one else is in the place except a couple who are dancing – a lovely young woman and a muscular, dangerous looking guy. Clark walks past the couple dancing and the man reaches out, grabs Clark and spins him around.]
Man: Don’t even LOOK at my girl. Understand?!
Clark: Yes, Sir! [Clark walks to the bar and sits down as the couple goes back to dancing.]
Bartender: What can I do you for?
Clark: Sir … I’d like a beer please.
Bartender: Got some kind of ID?
Clark: Yes Sir.
[Clark pulls out his wallet and his ID then hands his ID to the bartender. The bartender grimaces and looks Clark over closely and looks at the ID again. Then he looks up and smiles and …]
Bartender: Happy Birthday, Kid!
Clark: Thanks, Sir.
Bartender: What kind of beer can I get you?
Clark: What would you suggest?
Bartender: We have some excellent beer that is brewed right here in Smallville.
Clark: I believe in supporting local businesses. Fine I’ll have one of the locally made beers.
Bartender: People seem to really enjoy a brand called Killaliens.
Clark: Okay. I’ll take one of those.
Bartender: Killaliens Red … or Killaliens Green?
Clark: Can I have … one of each … please?
Bartender [smiling]: Sure thing, Kid!
[The bartender fills one glass. It glows red. He fills another. It glows green. Clark looks back and forth at them. Then he picks up the red one and drinks it. Extreme close-up of Clark’s face. His eyes glow red. He gets an evil expression on his face. He stands and walks over to the dancing couple. He pulls them apart.]
Clark: I’m cutting in.
Man: Like Hell!
[The man swings at Clark. Clark taps him and sends him flying across the room. He collapses in a heap. Clark leans over and whispers in the woman’s ear. She smiles and shakes her head yes. Clark and the woman head for the door, but Clark stops then heads back to the bar, picks up his glass of Killaliens Green and downs it with a single gulp. Extreme close-up of Clark’s face. His smile disappears. His face turns green. He falls in a heap on the floor. The bartender looks over the bar at Clark, then turns to the camera. Camera zooms in]
Bartender: Some guys just can’t handle alcohol! … A word of advice: if you're from Krypton or just feeling a little freaky, choose Red instead! … [Better Red than dead?]
******
"First and Last Encounter"
Clark Age 26
[Superman lands near Batman on the roof of the largest building in Gotham City. He walks up to Batman …]
Superman: You’re Batman, right? I’ve heard a lot about you. I thought it would be rude just to fly over and not say hi.
Batman: Glad you did! It’s great to meet you! We’ve got to get together and talk sometime.
Superman: I’d love to!
Batman: Sorry to cut this short but Allison will turn 26 before she watches all these videos and that light in the sky over there is the Bat Signal … and it’s telling me I’m needed elsewhere.
Superman: I’ve got to go too. It’s my birthday and my Mother is making Cheese and Macaroni for me. If I’m not there soon, she’ll set off an ultrasonic whistle from the signal watch I gave her. That sound is SO annoying! See you later!
Batman: Happy Birthday!
Superman: Thanks!
[Superman leaps from the building and so does Batman. Superman turns to Batman ….]
Superman: Wow! I never knew you could fly too! Goodbye again.
[Superman put on a burst of speed and disappears]
Batman: Oh Shit!
[Batman drops vertically and disappears from sight]
******
“A Superman’s Work is Never Done!”
Clark Age 82
Clark: Hmmm. Survivor 65? Or American Idolitry? I’ll just watch the news.
[Clark clicks the TV remote. Close up on newsman on TV]
Newsman: The torrential rains that swept China last week caused rivers to swell. Millions of lives were at risk. Had Superman not come to the rescue, this might have been the largest natural disaster in decades. Despite being at least 80 years old, our hero worked tirelessly for 72 hours digging new waterways and shoring up dams. He never stopped for a moment! Wherever you are, Superman, the world sends its thanks for another job well done.
[Clark turns off the TV]
Clark: You’re very welcome young man. You remind me so much of my Father. Remarkable resemblance!
[Clark swings his feet up and lays down on the couch. He turns the TV back on. Lois hobbles into the room, walks in front of the TV and turns it off. Clark’s expression knows he was in big trouble but he doesn’t know why yet. Lois turns and glares at him …]
Lois: Didn’t … you … forget … SOMETHING?!
[Clark jumped up faster that human sight can follow]
Clark: Sorry!
[Clark leans over and kisses his wife on the cheek.]
Lois: NOT THAT! What is TODAY?
Clark: My birthday!
Lois said: Forget about that! Today is the day when I expect you to put out for me!
Clark: No it isn’t. Our anniversary is next month.
Lois: FOCUS! What day of the week is it!
Clark: It’s Wednesday afternoon.
Lois: It’s TRASH day! You FORGOT to take out the trash AGAIN!
[Clark turns his head to look into the camera. His expression – tired and defeated]
THE END
Ending Credits (something like this):
Disclaimer: The characters in these stories are owned by DC Comics and/or Millar Gough Ink
The stories are based upon fan fiction by DavidHayes1956
Performed by …
List (in order of appearance): ….
======
Additional skit (Not Birthday Related):
“The Translation”
Man enters Lionel Luthor’s office and says: Mr. Luthor, I’ve had a breakthrough translating the glyphs engraved into the ceremonial knife that was found in the Kawatche Cave.
Lionel: After 4 years and a $6 million dollar investment, I was about to give up on you.
Translator: You must remember that these glyphs are totally alien to any language known to man. I had no point of reference to work from … no Rosetta Stone …
Lionel: I expected better. You’re not the cunning linguist I hoped you’d be.
Translator: Well, you made me. And the cells I was cloned from were a bit on the charred side.
Lionel: Enough with the excuses. What’s this breakthrough?
Translator: As you know, the original knife was lost to us, but we unearthed 4 more, identical knives, five spoons, five regular forks, five ….
Lionel: I know all this! Service for five. I know! And only the knives had the symbols on them.
Translator: Just the BLADES on the knives … not the handles.
Lionel: What significance does that have?
Translator: Apparently, it is very significant. That’s what the warning is all about.
Lionel: Warning?
Transator: Yes. The message is a warning.
Lionel: Is that the translation? (Points at paper translator was holding)
Translator: Yes.
Lionel: Give it here. I’ve waited long enough! (rips paper out of translator’s hand)
Lionel (reading paper): Warning! This end is SHARP! Grasp by other end! (looks at camera with dumbfounded expression)
